1. It’s not for amateurs.
– These are the people who ruin their entire life because they never learned how to meet a damn deadline. Often you will see them begging for extensions or crying in a corner because they have no idea how they will get things done. I like to call them weak because real procrastinators know how to waste time and get their shit done. They never need help or extra time and you would never guess that they spent two and a half of the three weeks you gave them to get that project done doing nothing.
2. Being smart is not just a good tool, it’s a requirement.
– Having the ability to plan things out and make room for possible mishaps is a must for any procrastinator. If you can’t think things out and gradually build an intricate plan in your head or problem solve in a matter of minutes you probably shouldn’t even try to procrastinate. Consider the work project that you were given months to finish, clearly it requires a great amount of work to complete or they wouldn’t have given you so much time. So as you avoid working you should be at the very least thinking out the project and doing tiny things along the way to make life easier, that way when it hits crunch time and you need to go from 0-60 in a matter of days you can. Why? Because you won’t necessarily be starting a 0, it would be more like 20-60.
A major mistake of amateur procrastinators is that they don’t think about or look at what they have to do and then expect to do something amazing at the last-minute. MAJOR MISTAKE! A few minutes of work here or there can save you hours of headaches when crunch time hits. Remember for the master procrastinator there are no surprises, they know exactly what is expected of them and how to deliver it.
3. Know how you work and what you need.
– For instance I work very well under pressure, but I also know I have to start and stop a few times before I get into the groove of what I’m doing. So I allow for this, if I’m cleaning I start early so I can stop a few times and still get everything done or if I’m working on a project I start early enough to accommodate my breaks.
4. Be Calm.
– Anxiety is not the procrastinations friend. If you make the mistake and let anxiety take over you will never get anything finished because you’ll be too focused on how little time you have to get everything done and will spend most of your time hyperventilating rather than getting shit done. If you happen to be the person that naturally freaks out when a deadline is upon you maybe you need to do things early. The best procrastinators look at a deadline and automatically begin calculating how long they can go without doing things. When they hit the time they designated to start (generally several days after original start date they set) they have complete confidence in their ability to finish whatever it is they need to do and have very little stress over not getting things done.
5. Learn to Lie!
– Not to be confused with making an excuse to get an extension, this lying is used to calm others and solve unexpected problems. Procrastinators tend to account for every minute so if something pops up (technical errors tend to come up most) you need to gain a little extra time and it is here that you need to learn to lie and lie well. A common problem that comes up is a miscalculation of time like say your paper was due at noon and you still have a paragraph left and it’s 11:59, you must think fast and come up with a reasonable excuse for turning in the paper at 12:15. Lies also come in handy when you have a deadline and your boss constantly wants progress reports. You should be able to give them a detailed plan on the spot when they ask how the project is going and give them faith that everything will be done not just on time, but well. This is where rule 2 comes in because someone smart has at least thought about the project and what needs to be done so they have a knowledge base to build on if asked about their progress.
Remember procrastination is awesome, but you never want people to actually know you do it. If they can tell that means the end result wasn’t good enough to make them believe you spent a lot of time on it and you never want that. The goal should be to look like you spent ages doing something it only took you minutes to finish.
And for a little more about procrastination here is a lovely video…