“So what she/he keeps talking about you and hating on you. What do you think a hater’s job is…to hate. If you have someone hating on you right now you better think of how to get five more people hating by Christmas. You need haters to make you stronger..without haters most people wouldn’t try to become better. Just tell them bitch you just hate me because you can’t be me.”
I just finished watching the movie You Again and I thought what a great topic for my 200th post. If you happen to be unfamiliar with the movie it is about a woman who finds out her brother is marrying her high school tormentor. She spends the week trying to get her to apologize, but the bully is dead set on moving on and it got me to thinking about bullies and what I would do if I had the chance to actually face a bully again.
I know many of us encountered bullies when we were younger and we all got that same bullshit story that once we got older things would be better, which we soon learned was not true. The truth is there are bullies everywhere and the only thing we can change is how we choose to handle those bullies and how we let what they do affect us. Anyone that has dealt with a bully knows that the pain they inflict is not something that ever goes away. It stays with you like an incurable disease and all you can do to make things better is to learn to live with it and use it to become stronger. There is no magical day when you wake up and forget the shit they do to you.
I have had my fair share of bullies and the one thing they all had in common was they picked on me because they were unhappy with themselves. It had nothing to do with my inadequacies, but rather with the things that they didn’t like about their lives. These people were pathetic and they needed to be viewed that way. In the movie the bully admitted she was a terrible person and spent her life trying to be better. And the thing is you may find some bullies do that, but many of them just continue being assholes and you have to let them. When you allow them to bring you down you give them power.
This post originally had a portion where I ranted about my bullies and halfway through I realized I was still giving them power. They didn’t deserve a paragraph of my blog, and they don’t deserve a minute of my time. I know I may never get the apology from them that I deserve, but as I learned from the movie, letting yourself be bitter about what they did to you will only turn you into them. So I have decided to dedicate the end of this post to forgiving these people for being mean. They most likely won’t see it and they don’t have to this is for me. So here we go…
I forgive you for trying your hardest to isolate me and make me feel alone,for stealing from me, and for just plain being mean. I forgive you for picking on me every chance you got and for all of the sneaky shady things you did. I forgive you for making my life at my job so horrendous I eventually had to quit.
And I forgive you for yelling at me, insulting my school, and making my intern experience less than great. I thank you for giving me these experiences because each time one ends I become stronger, a little less naive, and a lot more bold. What you did was wrong but I realize now that is not my thing to live with, it yours. I pray you learn to treat the people you meet better in the future and understand that everything we do in life comes back to haunt us.
And to those of you who may not like this idea I want to remind you it’s not about forgiveness, it’s about letting go. Also if you happen to know of anyone you bullied or were just not that nice to and you come across them, apologize. Trust me not only will it make them feel better, it will make you feel better too. I speak from experience because there was a boy in high school that I was mean to. He asked me out I said yes and then proceeded to ignore him for the next 2 years (a bitch move I know!). One day I when I was in college I was talking to him and I apologized, it wasn’t a big deal and it took about a second. We all know when we treat someone badly and we all know it’s wrong so why not accept what you did and say sorry? It’s a simple way to better karma.