Dear Jessica Biel and Megan Fox,
I am writing you today to address your many comments about being far too beautiful/sexy to get good acting roles. I know that you believe that no one can take your acting seriously because they all want to bang you and I am here to tell you that you are right in making that assumption. As a straight female that is not a victim of your extreme sexiness I am here to attest to the fact that you two lovely ladies are the best actresses of your generation. I mean it was a total travesty that Transformers and I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry were not nominated for Oscars! What were they thinking? I for one do not know.
Jessica I know it is hard when people call you the girl that made Justin Timberlake a douche. I mean can they really blame the downfall of his personality on you? No way! It is just a coincidence that he started acting like an ass when he began dating you. I understand how hard life is for you traveling the world and hanging out with your super rich super hot boyfriend and I think it is just plain wrong for people to judge you because of this. It is not your fault that the casting directors are two busy ogling your manly arms and shoulders to notice what a talented actress you are. If you were less sexy maybe you would have gotten that part in Closer, but it went to that hideous bitch Natalie Portman (could she be any grosser?)
And Megan why must your looks hold you back? Can’t everyone get over the fact that you are a less hot more bitchy version of Angelina Jolie? It is absolutely ridiculous that people say you are trying to imitate her just because you happen to have similar tattoos, hair, and style. And it is a pure coincidence that you seem to say and do everything Angie did in her early career. I mean the fact is that you are actually way more talented than that hack, that’s why you won the Oscar….oh sorry that was her. But I know you will get the gold one day, as soon as they can get over that extreme hotness of yours.
I want all of Hollywood to know that it is not fair what they are doing to you two stunning girls. They are passing you over and giving all the good roles to the uglies like Charlize Theron, Scarlett Johannsen, Angelina Jolie, Hallie Berry, and Natalie Portman. I know they posses only half of your talent and acting prowess and only get noticed because of their lack of sexiness. It is a travesty how the world punishes the beautiful and keeps the ugly on top. I hope one day that something can be done about it, but until then keep fighting the good fight.
The Painful Truth