The Importance of Being Alone

The worst loneliness is not to be comfortable with yourself.

- Mark Twain

I just watched this episode of my strange addiction and it was focused around this guy that lived with his doll. You may have seen him before on something called Love Me Love My Doll on BBCA, in case you haven’t…

So Dave was on the BBCA show and at that point he was living with the doll and referring to it as his girlfriend (I don’t think he made it to wife at that point) and dressing it, sleeping with it, etc. By the time My Strange Addiction taped him he had devolved to calling the doll his wife, talking to it, and actually referring to it as if it was a human being. And the big question on both of these shows was what happened to him to make him choose a doll over actual human contact.  They came up with every possible reason from childhood trauma to mental illness.  Dave’s answer was that a major part of his attachment to the doll was the fact that he was lonely and I believe that’s a huge part of it.  When loniless mixes with the wrong person it can be a dangerous cocktail.

Now I am not here to talk about Dave, but he did get me thinking about being alone and being able to be alone.  I feel like being alone can be such a calming experience if done right, but if done wrong it can take you down some dark paths.  And it all boils down to how you view being alone.  Some people feel forced into being alone and for them it can become a prison of loneliness (as we see with dave) and that can evolve into bad habits.  Whereas there are other people who view being alone as a time where they can focus on themselves and they get so much out of the time they have. So why don’t more people enjoy being alone?

I think it’s because many people feel being alone means you are in some way a loser.  You always need people around you in order to feel like you’re relevant and important. I have friends that won’t do anything in public by themselves and will literally call everyone they know to find someone to go with them. And I always wonder why because I am the total opposite, I have activities I prefer to do alone.  Though when I think about it I get it because many people feel like they wouldn’t know what to do if they had to be somewhere alone. Like if you eat in a restaurant alone and you aren’t working, on a cell phone, or reading a book people are looking at you like you are a weirdo and you know what? THEY AREN”T!

Maybe it’s because I’m an only child and thus learned to do things alone out of necessity, but I have no shortage of things I can do alone.  I love to shop alone, chill out in coffee shops alone, and (the best thing) go to the movies alone. You have no idea how nice it can be to go to a movie without the hassle of arguing over a time or what show to go to. You can just get up and go, it’s amazing.  I also like being around people, but when I’m in a group I feel like I’m on and I need to take breaks and just be by myself to unwind.

I consider myself lucky that I have the ability to be cool with being alone and I want to promote people feeling more comfortable with not being in the crowd.  Especially  because as healthy as it is to be around people, it is also just as healthy to take some time to yourself. And for those of you out there that are going, what they hell can I do alone?!?! I present you with a video all about being alone. I saw it on YouTube a little while back and instantly loved it. Hope you like it too!

And as always the daily pic…

Later ;0)

Dumb Endings and Even Dumber Hats

I have a major pet peeve and you know what it is? Movies that are fantastic 90% of the way and then just let it all go to shit at the end. This phenomenon rarely happens, but I can think of two movies that really pissed me off and I have decided to dedicate this post to the movies that let me down in the end.

1. No Country for Old Men

 

Ok I watched this because everyone told me how amazing it was and to be fair the movie (for the most part) was pretty great. Until the end… I honestly can’t fully remember the ending of this one because I saw it a while ago and refuse to watch it again. But I can tell you that the good guys lose, the bad guys win, and all the others are just fucked. And I get that not every movie is meant to have an ending that serves up a nice heaping pile of justice (Inception anyone?), but I draw the line at endings that are just plain fucked up. I got so pissed by the end of No Country for Old Men that I literally was screaming at my television.

2. The Kids Are All Right

 

This movie had me right up until the shit ending. Here is the thing, I get this movie came out at a time when there were some major turns in the issue of gay marriage. I also understand that the writer of this film is very connected to this subject, but I also feel like she wrote the ending that preached what she wanted us to hear. Which is nothing new in film, lets be honest every writer and director does, but what you preach should go along with what you show. You have these characters and two of them are very likable, so much so you want them to have a happy ending. Then you have one that has almost no redeeming qualities and you want to make us feel something for her. At the end of the movie I was upset because I wanted the man and woman to end up together, but I was also questioning if that was because that was what I was used to. Which is where this movie is actually quite brilliant. Unfortunately once I thought it out I realized the movie led me to want that ending and then preached to me that I shouldn’t want it.

SPOILER ALERT!

If you haven’t seen the movie it’s about two kids and their two moms. The son wants to find their biological father and the daughter finally agrees to contact him. So they end up meeting their dad, played by the hunky Mark Ruffalo, and the daughter loves him but the son is less than impressed. The mom’s find out and they end up inviting him to dinner where he then offers the laid-back mom (Julianne Moore) a job working for him. The other mom played by Annette Benning does not like him and scoffs at the idea of Moore working for him. I should mention here that Benning is an alcoholic, workaholic, condescending, domineering ass throughout the whole movie. She tries to control her kids, her wife, and is not a likeable character at all. So Moore starts working for Ruffalo and he has a little thing for her which eventually turns into them sleeping together. At the same time he gets much closer to his daughter and Benning starts to feel she is losing control of her family. The family goes to dinner at Ruffalo’s house and Benning starts to warm up to him until she goes to use the bathroom and realizes her wife is having an affair with him. Drama ensues and everyone shuns Mark and Julianne’s characters. He tells Julianne he is in love with her and she responds “I’m gay” and hangs up on him. She then pleads her families forgiveness and the movie ends with the family miserable (clearly) but intact. And Ruffalo is just tossed to the side and told to get his own family.

And that is where I have a problem! Mark’s character was a major positive point in the lives of EVERYONE in this movie and how dare they toss him to the side like he was nothing. I fucking hated Annette Benning in this movie and if we were honest and this was a male/female relationship with the same issues we would be pissed if Julianne went back. But because it’s two women we are supposed to excuse all of the bad behavior, which in my opinion is copout. It definitely is not showing their marriage in a positive light, yes they stay together but they are just sticking it out. And maybe it is my own slight prejudice against marriage (yeah a girl who is anti-marriage, rare I know), but I don’t feel like you should be married to someone your just sticking it out with.

I also don’t like the sort of men are bad treatment Ruffalo gets in this movie. Benning continues to either tell Mark or hint at the fact that he needs to get his own family, and the thing is the kids wouldn’t exist without him. He didn’t ask to meet them, but when they found him he embraced them and helped them grow.  The kids were better off with him and to toss him to the side at the end makes me feel like the writer is just telling us he was only useful as a sperm donor. And I feel like her need to be pro marriage messes with her ability to tell the story well.

I think an honest end to the movie wouldn’t be so clean-cut. I have no doubt that Julianne’s character loved her wife and kids and I don’t think she would just leave them for Mark, but I do think she would take time to figure things out. She clearly had some feelings towards him and I highly doubt those feelings would just end. The same goes with the kids, they might be mad at Mark but they would eventually get over it. He is in their lives and once someone is in your life it’s hard to get them out.  I would take the ending of the movie if maybe it was like a plot twist rather than an ending. Maybe jumping ahead several months or a year and finding that they have made progress.  In the end Benning should have shown growth, Julianne should have gotten confidence and chosen to be in a relationship with someone she wanted to be with (either with her wife, Mark, someone else, or just by herself),  Mark would be in the picture in some way, and the kids would still be in contact with him.

At least with that ending I could see some thought and work there. To me making a family work isn’t about keeping the parents together no matter what, but doing what you have to do to make that family unit strong. Mark was the piece of the puzzle that was missing and no amount of denial can change that. It isn’t because he’s a man or because it’s what we are used to, it’s because his character had a very positive effect on the people in the family.  Quite simply they needed him.

And that is my super long spiel on The Kids Are Alright.

And as promised a dumb hat…

Ah goofy winter hats how I love thee!

Later ;0)